How Do You Solve A Problem Like Larry Craig?

Our dear friend Bates (a.k.a. "Golden Delicious") sent us over this link today, because we got a new gay roommate (more on that later), bringing our apartment 'motal up to three:

Maybe Craig can buy "gay offsets"

By now you've most likely heard of Idaho Senator Larry Craig's [alleged] dalliance in a men's airport bathroom. The pundits have been out in force with the hypocrisy charges, and rightly so considering Craig's past stances and actions. But considering how often liberals react when conservatives question people like Al Gore and other "greens" about their own hypocrisy, I'm wondering when we'll hear these same libs wondering about "why shoot the messenger" and saying "but isn't the real issue ..." regarding the Craig incident.

Perhaps Craig can be like many Hollywood dopes (and Al Gore) but instead of purchasing carbon offsets he can buy gay offsets to "reduce his gay footprint" (or, more accurately, his "wide stance").

Goldy's suggestion to us was, "Maybe you guys could sell gay offsets to Republicans on the side?" Not a bad idea!

They've Really Put Their Finger In It. Um, On It.

Now, to be clear, we love Gayz of Our Lives, but we have to say – these clips that they've captured (hilariously) pretty much encapsulates why we are terrified of going to Fire Island.

If Anyone Saw Us On Friday, That Wasn't Us.

After many weekends out of the city, we were finally able to get out and debauch ourselves over the past couple of days in New York. It all started on Friday night when we took our tall and handsome friend to a US Open party at Ono, where we hoped to ogle Andy Roddick. We waited almost two hours before he did come, and by that time we had helped ourselves prodigiously to the open bar (which served us poorly later). Eventually it got so awfully straight (men in bronzer, women with their asses hanging out) that we had to leave. Our next stop was the birthday party of the glamorous Eric S., who was at Therapy with Dylan P. and Charlie H. There, we ran into Martha Stewart's cute gay nephew who we knew in college. After that, we went to some roof party that some twink was hosting in Hell's Kitchen. Just as we arrived, they ran out of booze, so we went with TAHF to buy two 18 packs of Natural Light to share with everyone (well, one was for everyone, the other was just for us). When we returned, we were delighted to see Lance L., Michael S., and Rocco who we love but whose last name we don't know. And finally, after a night of leading us on, FHC himself arrived from DC, looking extremely tan and gorgeous. Unfortunately the twink who was hosting the party had a panic attack and kicked everyone off the roof before we had finished even one case of Natty Lights, so in a huff TAHF and some of the rest of us stuffed our pockets with beer and skulked out, wandering around in Hell's Kitchen with open containers until we arrived at the Ritz. There, we continued to drink our own shitty beers and dance to music of the lowest caliber, surrounded by people of the highest. Sadly, we were unfit to be seen in public and eventually realized this, and stumbled to a cab.

Whereupon we lost our cell for the first time in our lives and spend the next hour pleading with a cabbie over the phone to return it. We woke up phoneless, with a crippling hangover – but by the end of the day the cabby had returned our phone and we were ready to go out again, this time in Harlem. It was a great reminder of how fun it can be when you stay in town and get off your ass. Happy Birthday Eric!

PS...

...wait, what?

Why You Are Gay: "Quantum Leap" and "Remington Steele"

When you were little, you probably mostly watched kid television – like "Full House," "Blossom," or "Eureka's Castle." But we're guessing there were a few adult shows that, for whatever reason, you began to follow. For us, those were "Remington Steele," and "Quantum Leap." They were good action shows, with strong plots and not a lot of season-long arc. You could get a great time out of watching just one episode here and there, and not have to worry about following some drawn-out "X-Files" like storyline (we know, we know, "X-Files" is part of why you're gay, too, we'll get to that).

But as you grew older, watching re-runs of "Remington Steele" and "Quantum Leap" became a different experience. You stopped hoping for the part where Scott Bakula zapped himself into another wacky life, and started wishing there were more episodes where he was an Olympic diver. Instead of enjoying the G-rated flirting on "Remington Steele," you wondered why the hell Pierce Brosnan didn't just fuck Stephanie Zimbalist already. So you could watch.

The shows may have gone off the air before you realized you were gay. But every time you see Scott Bakula in an ABC Family Original Movie, we're betting it takes you back some. To a day when, admit it, you thought chest hair was a little bit okay. Kind of nice, even. You know, to nestle your face in. Or taste. Or whatever.

Is This Really M4M, or M4Husband?

So we were forwarded (we swear) the following Craigslist posting, which we really, really love. We'll let it speak for itself:

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/m4m/398119975.html

Hung Stud Seeking Smart, GL, Wall St. ex-Athlete or College Athlete - 22

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Reply to: pers-398119975@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-15, 10:09PM EDT


vgl, masc, smart, hung, very good shape top college guy working on Wall St. looking for a masc, ivy league (minus columbia and cornell) or other comparable college grad who was an athlete (lax, squash, tennis, hockey, alpine skiing, crew, sailing are best) AND is still in great shape, working at a top banking firm (front office only please), Corp Law, or consulting. into WASPY prep school types who are into squash, golf, skiing, art and maybe even knows what a jib halyard is. being well endowed would be icing on the cake. younger than 35 please unless you are exceptional.

Linkage... The Daily Show Is 'Motastic

So we can't seem to get this video onto our site, but check out their Gay debate coverage here!

Man, this whole getting-a-life-and-a-job-thing is really doing a number on us. We liked it better when we just futzed around at work all day and Googlefought our ex-boyfriends!

Don't Cry For Us Fagat Readers, The Truth Is We Never Left You

Hey all – we’re so sorry for not posting last week. We blame it on a combination of getting a new job, having a boyfriend, and not wanting to do anything because it’s August. In other words, it’s not you, it’s us.

We Really Thought Our People Would Go For John Edwards, Because Of The Flippy Hair.

Did anyone else see this story in Newsweek about Hillary and the gays? You should read it. It's not news that the leading Democratic candidates (who favor abolishing Don't Ask, Don't Tell and support civil partnerships) don't support marriage equality and aren't vocal enough about our rights. But we're glad somebody vocalized something we've been feeling a long time: We kind of love Hillary. For no good reason. Maybe it's because she's mom-like, maybe it's because she's almost a powerful black woman, or maybe it's just because she pops her collars – for whatever reason, it's there. God, we're so fucking predictable.

We Have Never Once, In The Eight Years We've Been Going, Heard A Gay Discuss Politics At Beige. Is That Sad?

Our old pal Jamie Kirchick just had an essay in the Boston Globe about being persecuted by his fellow gays because he’s a Republican. You should read the essay, because it’s an interesting point of view. Something that annoys us about New York is that everyone automatically assumes that everyone in a discussion (especially among gays) is liberal. That’s close-minded, and not terribly dissimilar from assuming that everyone around you is heterosexual, or Christian, or rich – if they are not, it can be uncomfortable.

But Kirchick makes the same generalizations about gay liberals that he accuses them of making about Republicans:

“For many gays, liberalism is just as much a visceral, reactionary tendency as it is a positive affirmation of political belief. Many gays I know – especially those from red states – blame conservatism writ large as the villain that repressed them for so many years. Thus, their homosexuality dictates their political views on everything. For these gays, it is just as much a part of the "coming out" process to be a loud liberal as a proud homosexual.”

That’s a blanket statement which discredits the many gay men and women who have extremely nuanced political views. Sure - being gay can heighten one’s attention to politics (it has for us), it doesn’t necessarily make you a reactionary fool. What Jamie is saying is akin to believing that all conservatives who call for immigration reform are inherently racist. Sure, some are – but to generalize in that manner is unfair to the many that aren’t.

We think what Jamie is trying to articulate is the suspicion that some gay people have for some straight conservatives, who they worry might be bigoted deep down. Because homosexuality is so natural for us, it’s hard to understand why someone would object to it logically unless they had some inherent disgust with the concept. But that doesn’t seem to apply to his thesis – which is about liberal gays rejecting conservative gays. Quite frankly, if the person you are dating wants to break up with you because of political concerns – we just think one or the other of you is talking about it way too much.

Plus, the gays all know everybody’s got their own problems in the bedroom. Republicans take too long to finish, and Dems pull out too early. Badda bing!

We Promise, We Do Things That Aren't Heteronormative. Sometimes.

You're going to begin to think that all we do is attend weddings.

But we promise, this will be our last post about our friends' nuptials for the summer. We just couldn't resist this one, because it was so Fagats worthy. See, on Saturday night we attended the lovely marriage ceremony of a good straight friend from college. It was short and sweet, which we appreciated, and featured only two readings, one of which was from "The Velveteen Rabbit." The other, which we didn't at first couldn't place, began like this:

"Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In return it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations...."

Those of you from Massachusetts may recognize these as the opening sentences of the State Supreme Court decision in "Goodridge v. Board of Health." The sentences directly following that quote, which went unsaid at on Saturday night but whose message was loud and clear, are here:

"The question before us is whether, consistent with the Massachusetts Constitution, the Commonwealth may deny the protections, benefits, and obligations conferred by civil marriage to two individuals of the same sex who wish to marry. We conclude that it may not."

The bride and groom are, obviously, not gay, but in addition to liking the eloquent sentiments in the reading, they wanted to give a nod to their gay friends and family members that their version of marriage is one that was all-inclusive. It was, we thought, touching and wise.

As was the moment when the bride had to step in to force the DJ to play Rihanna's "Umbrella." Go Kim!

Perhaps The Baby In Her Belly Is Thinking For Two.

Queerty points out that today, Elisabeth Hasselbeck vocalized some of her most liberal sentiments to date - about gay marriage, of all things. It's funny that this happened after Radical Rosie stopped beating her up about everything and putting her on the defensive.

We can't wait for the tortured sexual politics that will come into play when Whoopi is on board!