Have You Ever Noticed How Balthazar Is Always Painted Behind The Others? We Wonder If He Had To Ride At The Rear Of The King Caravan, As Well...

We know, dear readers, that ever since we departed from Spain you have been unable to sleep at night from worry and loss. We can just picture you tossing and turning in your blue plaid Banana Republic pajama bottoms, kicking loose the sweaty Nautica duvet cover you bought from Bed Bath & Beyond with the gift certificate your parents got you for Christmas for two years ago. Occasionally, you might accidentally wake up the barista you took home that night, the one with black hair and blue eyes whose arms looked so good making your Pumpkin Spice Latte. Because neither of you can sleep, you reach around and start…

Oh, sorry. We got a little carried away.

What we meant to say is, we will return to America just before the New Year, after which you can expect more frequent (and less extraneous) posts. Until then, we will do our best. We are doing a lot of traveling between now and January and may have difficult giving your something catty and inappropriate every day. We apologize in advance.

And for now we leave you with a Christmas joke from Fagats co-worker-slash-joke-supplier-in-chief, Hugh, in honor of this holy season. It’s not actually that funny, but it helps if you remember that in Spain, the Reyes Magos are wizard kings who bring children presents, instead of Santa Claus, which we think is SUPER:

The three wizard kings came to visit Jesus in the manger in Bethlehem a few days after his birth, having followed a great shining star. The manger was lit only by a few candles, and the glow of the great star above piercing its thatched roof. As Balthazar, Melchior and Gaspar stooped to see the child, Balthazar slammed his turbaned head into a support beam.

“Jesus Christ!” he yelped.

“Write that down,” Mary said to Joseph, quickly. “It’s better than Derek.”