Thursday, December 07, 2006

We're Already Starting Production On The Made For TV Movie Based On This, Starring Richard Dreyfus, Camryn Manheim, And Rosie...

VP: Get your hand off my daughter's ass Martina, this is the WHITE HOUSE.

Mary: Her name is Heather, Dad.

VP: Yeah, whatever, let's get this shit show press conference started. God damn lessies gettin' preggers. HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK?? Don't even tell me there were turkey basters involved.

Heather: We are not disclosing the identity of the father of this child, or how Mary became preggers. Besides, I believe....

VP:
Oh pipe down Billie Jean. AND GET YOUR HAND OFF HER ASS before I shoot you in the face. I've done it before people, let's remember that.

Mary: Dad!

VP: I can only say thank the good Lord you didn't announce this thing before the midterms, we might have lost.

Heather: You did lose, Dick.

VP: For the love of God Ellen, do you want me to have another heart attack? THIS IS THE WHITE HOUSE. I will ship your Indigo Girl sized ass off to Gitmo, I swear.

Heather: Also, maybe we shouldn't go out there all wearing the same exact thing, especially since our body types are so similar...

VP: "Looking forward with eager anticipation to the arrival of our sixth..." Who in holy hell wrote this crap? Wait, I have 5 grandkids?

Mary: Dad, can we talk about what kind of controversy we can expect over this, considering we live in Virginia where no rights are granted to same sex couples or their kids, and that our party supports writing discrimination against us into the Constitution?

VP: You didn't seem to mind all this when you were campaigning for BUSH/CHENEY 2004, the BEST GOD DAMN CAMPAIGN EVER! WHOO HOO WE WON! THE TERRORISTS LOST!!

Mary: But I did mind, you convinced me to stay with the campaign for other important national reasons.

VP: SUCKER!!!! Heh heh heh.

Heather: Oh Christ, I'm out of here.

Mary: Dad, did you tell the President about this? What did he say?

VP: He asked if you two were going to get married before the child was born. You know, so it ain't, what are they calling it these days, "illegitimate."

Mary: (blank stare)

VP: What?

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'll watch that TV movie if you write the script, fishwatch!

Anonymous said...

Only thing missing is the flashback scene to a Halliburton circle-jerk. Daniel Craig as a young Dick Cheney?

bigmouth said...

This is amazing.

Michael S said...

Great job, Fishmouth. Those turncoat lezzies deserve no mercy. It always bugged me that gal never stood up against him for gay rights. On second thought, if my daddy were a blustering, bigoted war profiteering billionaire with a chance any minute for a heart attack, I'd suck up to him too.

Guys like him don't really give a damn who wins, as long as they get to sell fifty dollar meals, thousand dollar toilets, and rotten vehicles to the army.

Tristan said...

Best laugh in weeks Fishwatch. You are my hero.