Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Whatever Happened To The Days When A Breakup Merely Involved You, A Bottle Of Vodka, Tissues, And Endless 30-Second Preview Clips Of Internet Porn?

An interesting email just crossed our inbox, forwarded from a friend. It was a breakup announcement.

It came in the form of an attachment, and was designed like a "Save The Date" notice. It included a jpeg of the unhappy couple in pleasanter times, and the text:

"Mssrs. [Redacted] and [Redacted]
Regretfully announce their

Disassociation.


Following eight years of life shared together
the gentlemen have severed the bonds
of their previous relationship and
presently live separate and apart."
The email included their new mailing addresses, which we assume was the purpose of the notice. Is this what's expected now? Can we no longer dump the bastard without having to buy stationary? Are we wrong to think this is ridiculous?
We can only imagine what's next. The Breakup Announcement with the letter insert, like your mom insisted upon including with your family Christmas cards in the mid-nineties. Except instead of "Chad made high honors and is applying to Northwestern!" we'll be treated to chipper notes in Verdana font telling us, "If it wasn't for the staph infection, we may have made it a few more months. But when we both got tested and only he had chlamydia, then we knew it was the end. :-) "
Oh, Chad. We always knew it would end this way...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

If only those preview clips were that long, it would make life so much easier.

Michael S said...

When I meet my next ex-lover, we'll break up by throwing a big party, invite all of our friends, lots of drinks and stuff, and throw dice to see who gets which of the friends.

But seriously, isn't it so most of the time when a relationship begins, a clock somwehere starts ticking backwards?