We went to the opening night of “The Threepenny Opera” at Studio 54 last night. Yikes.
First of all, we sat next to “Uncle Jesse” himself, John Stamos, who had himself pranced that stage as the MC in “Cabaret” a couple of years ago. He kept fidgeting, sending text messages, looking around, waving to people in the audience, TALKING, and acting like an all-around cokehead eight-year-old in Sunday School. Maybe he learned it from watching Mary Kate.
Second of all, the play is really a trip. It stars Alan Cumming, Cyndi Lauper, Jim Doyle, Ana Gasteyer, and Nellie McKay. We know the last girl was once a pop star, but we can’t remember what one hit was her wonder. (“I’m Like a Bird?” “What If God Was One Of Us?” “I’m A Bitch?” Who fucking knows?) Things we noticed about the performance: Alan Cumming’s package was uncomfortable shoved down the right leg of his tights the whole time, Madonna’s babydaddy Carlos Leon can’t act, pre-op tranny penises shouldn’t be shown on stage, and sometimes, Cyndi Lauper doesn’t really just wanna have fun.
Afterward, we chatted up the cast. Ana Gasteyer told us all about how boring her life is now that she has to spend three quarters of it warming up (“Wicked” was harder, she says). Alan told us about a movie where he’s playing a straight guy in love with Heather Graham, who is playing a lesbian. Woah. And Cyndi, who we confronted about being at Starlight over the weekend, blamed everything on Alan.
They had all gone to our friend Bianca’s birthday party a few weekend’s ago, where the theme was “Rock and Roll Circus.” Alan told us that they all had a great time, but as they were walking in the door, Cyndi turned to him and whispered:
“Can you imagine going to a birthday party where you’ve lived through the theme?”
We will never forgive our parents for having us during, instead of before, the 1980s.