So we just heard from a friend of ours who was at the Elizabeth Arden Spa on 5th Avenue. He went in for a routine massage, and had a nice male masseuse. It was all very lovely, until the last part, when he got a happy ending. Which was, we suppose, also lovely, but maybe sort of upsetting, too.
It’s not that we’re surprised or offended by the idea of getting a handjob at the end of a massage. In fact, we’re not even really bothered that it occurs at an old-lady place like Elizabeth Arden. But hearing about from a friend made it suddenly very real for us. We now have a million questions – like:
How do you make it know that this is what you want?
Do you make eye contact during the maneuvers, or do you keep your eyes closed?
How is it possible not to laugh?
Are you allowed to moan?
Who cleans up?
How much extra do you have to tip?
How is it possible to be comfortable enough for it to work?
Isn’t there any urge to, you know, reciprocate?
And finally, isn’t it awkward afterward? Because, in our experience, handjobs are almost always followed by awkwardness.