Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Perhaps They Should Have Named It "Slightly-Perforated-Rectum Mountain."

The fags over at Not Only But Also have raised a very important question: In Brokeback Mountain, How Did Jake And Ennis Have Sex With No Lube?

“No wonder. Ennis, we know this is your first time and all but it takes a lot of magic lotion to get the rabbit into the hat. That Jack goes back for seconds and thirds without some serious consideration of fixing the friction is laughable. Didn't Ang consult any queers?”

We will admit that we, too, shifted uncomfortably in our seats at this moment – and not just to re-adjust the front of our jeans. Bitch, that had to HURT.

But we’d like to point out that for years we’ve been forced to watch many ridiculous and impossible straight sex scenes. For example:

* The rape/love scene between Sharon Stone and Fill-In-The-Blank Baldwin in “Sliver,” in which he sneaks up behind her and is suddenly inside her without her knowledge, ramming her against a pillar.

* The waterfall fuck scene between Kyle McLaughlin and Jessie Spano in “Showgirls.” Even we queers know sex in a chlorinated pool ain’t that great.

* The reverse cowboy situation between Sharon Stone and Catherine Zeta-Jones’ dad in “Basic Instinct.” If you think Jake Gyllenhaal was hurting…

So cut us some slack on the lube thing. After all, we remained quiet all those times in films when women had real orgasms even when they weren’t on top…

6 comments:

Man Meat Master said...

Ass-pounding came way before the invention of lube...

The "Pool Scene" from showgirls cannot possibly be construed as sex...its more akin to electrocution or epilepsy.

Tristan said...

Fagat: always raising the bar of investigative journalism.

Anonymous said...

If you read Annie Proulx' story, she described Ennis penis as having been lubed not only by spit, but by his prodigious precum.

Slippery when wet.

C.J.

Anonymous said...

i thought they used beans and bacon grease

Taylor said...

prodigous precum.
beans and bacon grease.

loves it!

of course i thought the same thing after the fact. i remember my first time in that hotel with pert plus and a shower cap. YIKES.

bigben said...

I vote for the beans and bacon grease! :-)

Maybe they were hitting some RUSH poppers?! :-)

If there'd been web access back in the 60's they could have learned about them here:

http://www.allaboutpoppers.com/

and

http://stone2005.typepad.com/

...and they could have listened to the funniest fucking song about poppers and ass fucking you've ever heard (which is on this site: http://stone2005.typepad.com/)

Pass the poppers and slather on the bacon grease!!!! :-)