We're Not Even Going To Mention COSMOgirl!

Our roommate mentioned to us yesterday that he wondered how new magazines could ever start, what with all of the daily refreshed content on blogs. We agreed – even if magazine writing is better edited and more focused, it’s hard to respond to pop culture ahead of the curve of the blogs. Or to report on a niche (cars, sports, gambling, what have you) if there are people who put out copy about it every day for free online.

So it occurred to us that we might be stuck for a while with just the magazines that we already have. Which, to be honest, is pretty grim. So we’ve rounded up a little advice for our current gay publications. We can only hope they read this and take our advice. After all, we did name ourselves The FAGAT Guide…

Instinct: Get writers with a real sense of humor. If Maxim, Stuff, FHM and Giant can find hundreds of funny straight writers, surely you can find one or two gay ones. Eight-pack abs alone do not a monthly make.

Passport: Finally understand that not all of us travel with Jansport backpacks with lots of buttons and rainbow flags on them.

Genre: Get a production budget.

Details: Get it over with and stop clicking [FIND: “man” REPLACE: “woman”] in each article. It’s just confusing for everybody.

Out: Take out all the stuff about old people. Even THEY would rather be reading about young, hot things.

The Advocate: We actually think this magazine is pretty decent, and necessary. But if we had to say something, it would clearly be: lose the lezbos.

Out Traveler: Stop doing stories about places like Morocco, Dubai and Cairo. Why would you ever write about locales where gay people are persecuted and in danger? Does Sports Illustrated write about Provincetown? We don’t think so.

DNA and Blue: Figure out a way to be better distributed in the US. Honestly.

Men’s Health: Just stop pretending.