While we were in Palm Springs this weekend, something happened to us that we find tends to occur quite often. On our trip was a nice young blonde girl from Queens. From the minute we arrived, she was very friendly to us. Even a little bit affectionate. A day into the trip, we found ourselves squished together on the drive to Palm Springs in a limo (it really must have been recently recycled from prom season – there were stars on the ceiling that gently changed color, and “The Dukes of Hazzard” was playing on loop on flatscreens). Suddenly, the girl reached out and squeezing our arm, startling us out of a daydream that involved singing in the Broadway finale of a “Tommy.”
BIGMOUTH: “What’s up?”
DITZYBLONDE: “I’m sorry! It’s just, well, I have to tell you. You really remind me so much of-"
BM: “Let us guess. Your best guy friend?”
DB: “Yeah! My best friend Dwayne from high school! We were on Model UN together. Something about you is just like him!”
BM: “Was he gay?”
DB: “Um… No, I don’t think so…”
BM: “We guarantee you: The kid’s a fag, and the thing about us that reminds you of him is gayness.”
DB: “Oh my.”
Does this ever happen to you? Girls you’ve just met tell you that you remind them SO MUCH of their gay best friends? It does to us, constantly. We wonder if this ever happens to other minorities. Like, do you think Gary Coleman is walking around getting constantly told, “Oh my God! You look just like my friend Mini Jamal!”?