Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Breaking News: Gays Suckers For A Pretty Face

We feel the need to talk about Dangerous Muse, because lately, we’re the only ones haven’t been.

Dangerous Muse, for those gays outside of the NYC-LA gay orbit, is a technopop "band" of two with an inexplicable level of success after only three "songs."

Now, we recognize that Furey, the band’s lead singer is very good looking and well-liked (even if he lies about his age). We understand that after the wild success of the Scissor Sisters, twentysomething ‘mo culture is yearning for a gay mainstream dancepop follow-up. And we appreciate that Muse makes a pretty story and an even prettier photo montage (we hear their latest shoot lasted 17 hours).

But we just DON’T LIKE THEIR MUSIC. Check them out on iTunes and we guarantee you’ll agree. Sure, they’re widely downloaded on the dance chart. But their sound is probably best described as “mid-nineties computer synthesizer meets enthusiastic tequila karaoke.” Their two songs are poorly produced and have lagging beats. So why are they so popular in our community? Why are all the fagblogs RAVING about them? (And what is that fucking guitar/piano instrument that other dude is always playing? Speaking of Jem and the Holograms…)

The answer is clearly because everyone already knows them. Our people are drawn to celebrity like moths to the flamer. So they want Dangerous Muse to be a success, so they can say incredibly, well, GAY things like: “Oh, have you heard about Dangerous Muse? It’s my friend’s new band and they’re at the top of the iTunes chart.” Or, “You’re just hearing about Dangerous Muse NOW? Furey was sucking my cock when he was thirteen years old.”

There are so many struggling and talented gay artists. It’s such a shame we need to gather around the flashiest, rather than the best. That doesn’t happen in the straight world.

That being said, we’re OBSESSED with Paris Hilton’s single. OMG! LOL! Viva La France!


Gunn said...

But why the fascination with celebrity? I don't understand. Rather than our support these fools deserve a good kicking for wasting our time, unless they're actually good.
Drives me nuts.
Someone pass me a vagina.

Frank said...

I'm such a bad Gay. I don't live in LA or NYC, don't have abs of steel, and really don't like dance/techno music. It ALL SOUNDS THE FUCKING SAME! And one song just goes on foreeeeeeeeeeeeeeever. Bugs the crap out of me.

Anyway, I don't think these "Dangerous Muse" guys are that cute. But, then, I'm not into that twinky-ish/fashion model type as a general rule.

Anonymous said...

I love love love Furey's faux British accent (while singing) - so mid-80s Human League-ish.

Aatom said...

He is awfully purty. But I don't know them, and if you say they suck, that's good enough for me. ptooey!

Anonymous said...

ouch dude they aren't that bad - I would argue that they are “mid-nineties computer synthesizer meets enthusiastic tequila karaoke.” but in a good way !

bigmouth said...

That's fair. They get an A for effort, and they'll probably go far. They aren't that bad, even. It's just that they aren't that GOOD, either.