So there are a million different kind of gays in this city, and we all have different needs and different goals. Yadda yadda. But if there's one thing we have in common, it's this: we're looking for a man. And for most of us, that man has several things in common. If we were to write Santa to ask for the man we all want, our letters would probably all sound a little like this:
Dear St. Nick,
We need to talk about that outfit...
[Sorry, allow us to skip ahead a bit]
I am looking for a man.
I want this man to like me, so much that he will agree to live with me. When I get home from work, he will be in the house, wearing a cute outfit. His smile will make me smile, and it will cause me to forget the stressful day I had from work. Sometimes, he will cook me a yummy dinner, or have opened a nice bottle of wine.
All I really want from his is companionship. I want a man who will always make me laugh, no matter what the situation. I want a man who has cute outfits that I can share. He should be smart, handsome, and athletic. It wouldn't hurt if he liked to go out, too. See, I'm looking for a man who is the life of the party - who is so fun to be around on a night out, that my friends email me the next day and say "Wow, that guy is just amazing." Who everyone meets and thinks "Where did you find that guy? He is the best. I am jealous." Because then, at the end of the day, we will go back home together, and I will be able to say that he belongs to me.
He should be sexy and fun, but is also my best friend. The kind of guy who you don't want to see once or twice a month for a wild time, but the type who you wish was around every morning when you woke up. Someone who is always in a good mood, but can understand when you're not. Because I've looked around Santa, and I can't say that there are many guys that fit this criteria. I've had trouble finding one, and I've begun to wonder whether there are any of them in the world, at all. Can you help me? I didn't even get mad last year when you didn't get me the fabulous duplex apartment on Perry Street that I asked for. Throw a bitch a bone.
Well, dear readers, I'm gonna be honest. Santa can't help you - a perfect man is something you have to find on your own. BUT, if you need a HINT, I can maybe help you out. I know a guy like that. In fact, I test drove him for two and a half years. He was my roommate. He just moved out this weekend. Now he lives alone on the Upper East Side, and maybe soon it will be someone else's turn to be the lucky guy. Hopefully, for his sake, you'll put out a whole lot more than I did. But if you really want to know where to find the perfect boy, I'd keep your eyes peeled in the vicinity of 69th and 3rd.
I will miss you, A. You were the best roommate a gay could ever ask for. Love, F.