David Blaine – Not Magical After All.

We were very excited to watch “Magician” David Blaine drown last night, or at least hold his breath for 9 minutes, and were quite bummed to be treated to neither success. As we sat with our roommate on our couch during the stunt, flipping through New York Magazine’s 100 Influentials list (her boss was on it, ours was not), we wondered what record WE would like to break.

There’s clearly no amount of eating, jumping, fucking, pogo-ing, dancing, sleeping, growing, hemorrhaging or frottaging that we could perform that hasn’t already been done more extensively. So we had to get creative. What about the World Record for Most Intense Hatred Of A Fleetwood Mac Song? Or World Record For Amount Of Cute Shirts That Looked Good Until They Got Washed? How about World Record For Longest Period Of Not Fucking?

Eh. We may be good at things, but we’re willing to accept that we will never be the best in history at any one particular thing. It was only a matter of time and vodka sodas anyway...