Friday, May 04, 2007

Why We Started Eating Again After Last Summer, We'll Never Know.

So summer is coming up, and unlike some of our friends, we didn’t burst out of our mothers’ wombs with a veiny sixpack and buns tight enough to snap off a fragile cock. Yet we have to go to Fire Island, the Hamptons, Rehoboth, and Cape Cod with said friends. This means being surrounded by tiny bathing suits, impeccable waxing, and bodies that don’t even have one sunburned patch where you can see where your fingers were when you tried to reach it with sunblock.

So naturally, we’ve been going to the gym. It’s been going well, but we just have one question: Why do we have a FUPA if we don’t have a PUSSY?

(Actually, we have another question - do you guys bring different socks to the gym every day?)

Anyway, come on, it’s ridiculous. We started out thin and healthy already. We don’t have high expectations – we have no aspirations to look like this, just a rough approximation of this. What does it take to get rid of that little patch of paunch? Relacore? Atkins? That thing that Christie Brinkley and Walker, Texas Ranger want us to buy?

Seriously, we’ll try anything (except not drinking, so don’t even suggest it). But we leave it to you. If you don’t have any suggestions, when we show up in Provincetown muffin-topping over our Vilebrequin, it will be all your fault.


Rottin' in Denmark said...

Move to Europe. Between biking, well-toned Euro-scenery, and the lack of affordable restaurants, it's impossible to maintain a decent paunch.

Frank said...

Please, bigmouth, if you find a good workout or program that gets rid of the belly, let me know! If I showed up at a gay beach with my pasty paunch on display, men would faint dead away at the sight.

Anonymous said...

I suffer from a terrible afliction. It is called "skinny-fat" as in you are the skinniest fat person I know . . .

Always have small breakfast, salad for lunch (no sandwiches!) chicken and vege for dinner. Try doing weights then cardio right after, it is painful as hell but works pretty well. 600 crunches a day.

Anonymous said...

I have a muffin top ... It makes me hate being gay :-( ... no matter how much I diet and exercise it's still there ... my trainer says my body fat is down to 17%, if we get it down to 15% then I'll be normal ... but I'm sure that's not enough for the gays ... I have to try to at least bring it down to 12% or 10%