So summer is coming up, and unlike some of our friends, we didn’t burst out of our mothers’ wombs with a veiny sixpack and buns tight enough to snap off a fragile cock. Yet we have to go to Fire Island, the Hamptons, Rehoboth, and Cape Cod with said friends. This means being surrounded by tiny bathing suits, impeccable waxing, and bodies that don’t even have one sunburned patch where you can see where your fingers were when you tried to reach it with sunblock.
So naturally, we’ve been going to the gym. It’s been going well, but we just have one question: Why do we have a FUPA if we don’t have a PUSSY?
(Actually, we have another question - do you guys bring different socks to the gym every day?)
Anyway, come on, it’s ridiculous. We started out thin and healthy already. We don’t have high expectations – we have no aspirations to look like this, just a rough approximation of this. What does it take to get rid of that little patch of paunch? Relacore? Atkins? That thing that Christie Brinkley and Walker, Texas Ranger want us to buy?
Seriously, we’ll try anything (except not drinking, so don’t even suggest it). But we leave it to you. If you don’t have any suggestions, when we show up in Provincetown muffin-topping over our Vilebrequin, it will be all your fault.