Thursday, June 15, 2006

‘Cause There Ain’t No Doubt I Love This Land…

On Tuesday we went to Beige, and had a really fun night. A lot of all-stars were there, including Shania R, Charlie H, Ben W, Horacio S, David M, Chris K, Paul D, and Willem D. And the evening featured the surprise return of Josh S!

The party was only marred by the presence of this German guy we once dated. When we say “once,” we mean that literally. We went on one date. Since that time, he has called us relentlessly, sent us friendster messages, dirty text messages, and left accusatory voicemails on our phone. We are relatively new to this whole “singlehood” thing, but we were always under the impression that if a date doesn’t go well, you just don’t call the person again. That way, you can avoid embarrassing conversations or wasted “coffee dates.” It’s a subtle way of letting someone know you’re not interested, so you don’t have to say to his face “You’re not good enough.”

Anyway, the German guy confronted us and yelled at us for being “so American.” This is the second time in recent history we’ve been lectured about “being American” in our dating practices. Apparently, according to a co-worker, everywhere else in the world men only date one other man at a time. So once you’ve gone on one date, you’re off limits until you’ve broken up with that person. The idea that you can date around with a few until you find someone you like best is apparently “American,” and therefore “high-priced, low-quality, and morally bankrupt.”

We apologized to the German for behaving like a true citizen of our country, and then ran away. While running, we encountered a boy we’ve been on some dates with lately. He was with a cute friend. We thought of the German, and looked back to see him sulking alone at the bar.

Then we got the cute friend’s number.

6 comments:

Aatom said...

"this German guy we once dated."

I spotted your first mistake right here.

This is the country where a person castrated and then fricasseed his partner's genitals.

Anonymous said...

So let me get this straight

U.S. = whore around until you find the ONE then monogamy till death

World = monogamous courtships until you find the ONE, then whore around till death?

Whatever all I know is he called you fat - fuck the Nazi bastard.

Anonymous said...

Ive heard this too, but it was never fully explained. I was too busy seducing the person in question to wait around for them to explain...

thanks

Gunn said...

Hmm. I was going to say "As a I foreigner this is patent nonsense" and then I remembered that I am half American.
Could it be genetic?
Oh, and anonymous #1: try travelling.
Aatom, not I'm keen to defend Vore/cannibalism or Germany but wasn't that Jeffrey Dahmer character an American?

Aishwarya said...

OMG, Tim Gunn, is that you??!!!?

Aatom said...

Yes, Gunn, but even he looked decidedly Teutonic, no?