We Really Do Love America, Even When It Doesn't Love Us.

So we watched the Independence Day fireworks in Washington, DC, from the South Lawn of the White House this year, courtesy of our very own White House hottie Thomas B. It was really something. While at first we expected that there would be nothing gay about being surrounded by young white Republicans in seersucker, we were pleasantly surprised. Here are some of the faggier elements:

* The version of “The Star Spangled Banner” that they chose to play during the ‘works, because it was Beyonce’s.
* The version of “God Bless America” that they selected, because it was Celine’s.
* The Bushes appearing on the balcony and Laura waving to everyone like Princess Diana (or was it Evita?).
* The group rendition of “Happy Birthday” sung to the President (well, that was just gay in the pejorative sense)
* The fact that FBI Director Robert Mueller was saving someone’s seat – in a wheelchair (that was just inexplicable)
* The soda pop in commemorative dishwasher safe cups, and the Dove bars.
* Fagat, when he attempted to alienate every young white Republican nearby by forcing the handsome boy next to him to walk holding his hand.

And really, what could be gayer than blasting music, flashing lights, and an excuse to eat sausage in the middle of the afternoon? As Thomas B. pointed out, what are fireworks but giant, pyrotechnic jazz hands?