Thursday, February 16, 2006

And Yet They Won’t Let You On An Airplane With A Pair Of Tweezers.

So we had a long talk with porn star/director Michael Lucas yesterday about his new star, Clay Aiken-outer John Paulus. We also talked to Paulus. The whole story has begun to make us sad, so we won’t dwell on it.

But within an hour of when we talked, a messenger arrived at our office with a basket full of five of Lucas’s porn DVDs, three giant bottles of lube, some naked trading cards and some bath salts. After being ridiculed by my co-workers, bosses, and boss’s bosses, we stuffed the porn, lube, and salts in our bag.

As we headed out of the office, we were handed a few pairs of women’s panties, because we were going to a Tom Jones concert, and when in Rome, one throws panties at Tom Jones.

So after chugging a bottle of Bacardi Razz in the cab with a co-worker, we skipped to the gate of the concert where, yes, you guessed it, our bag was searched by an enormous stern black man. Out came porn, lube, and women’s panties. We were horrified.

Brother didn’t even bat an eye.

This is why we love New York.

6 comments:

Sydelle Pearl said...

Who is this "we" you keep referring to? Just curious.

Aatom said...

wait, you drink Bacardi Razz and go to Tom Jones concerts?

Nothing makes sense anymore.

bigmouth said...

We are considering abolishing the use of "we" - we started using it because of the reason this blog was created, but even our ego is not big enough to fill plural pronouns.

If you knew what our job was, you would understand why Bacardi Razz and Tom Jones are things that just sometimes... happen.

Tristan said...

Did you hear about this DC pilgrims tradition in which when one visits someone he usually leaves complementary porn to his host? It's a bit like Turkey Day but different....

aishwarya said...

bigmouth left the porn and panties on the couch and went away for the weekend - and i am having the time of my life.

Anonymous said...

Let me guess: you are a reporter/writer for an entertainment magazine?