Isn't This Confusing Enough As It Is?

We’re sorry that the FAGAT Guide has taken such a personal bent lately – we’ve just been very busy and interesting things keep happening to us. But we promise, this will be the last personal one for a while.

You see, we recently met a very cute boy at a men’s show last week at the start of Fashion Week. We pursued him through a mutual friend, asking him what his deal was (as in, is he single or in a relationship – because boy clearly wasn’t straight). Her response? “He is Omni.”

We were flummoxed.

We’ve heard of gay, we’ve heard of lesbian, we’ve heard of bisexual. Hell, we’ve heard of transgendered and transsexual. But Omni? As far as we understood it, bisexual meant that a person liked both boys and girls. Do we really need MORE than that? At what point do children and animals get involved?? So we asked a bisexual friend of ours to explain the difference. “Well, when you’re omni,” he said, rolling his eyes as if we were born yesterday, “you can pick and choose what you want from wherever.”

Not being enlightened at ALL by that statement, we went back to the source. She clarified: “He'll date a man, woman, vegetable, as long as its right!”

Now, we appreciate that sentiment, but really, did we have to bring in the VEGETABLES? Still confused, we consulted the final word on everything everything: Wikipedia. They helpfully explain:

“Pansexual, omnisexual, and pomosexual (postmodern sexuality) are substitute terms that rather than referring to both or "bi" gender attraction, refer to all or "omni" gender attraction, and are used mainly by those who wish to express acceptance of all gender possibilities including transgender and intersex people, not just two.”

So, wait. We’re used to getting the sloppy seconds of some random female hos. Most gays at least stop at second base on their way over to our team. But our rear end could be in the proximity of the same cock that, say, tickled Amanda Lepore’s fauxgina?

We’ll pass, thanks.