Tuesday, July 03, 2007

WHY YOU ARE GAY: The Sound of Music

Okay, this may be obvious, but think about it. There were a lot of gay movies that your parents encouraged you to watch when you were little: Mary Poppins... The Wizard of Oz... The Wiz... Return to Oz... Howard the Duck... But none stuck like before to your lower colon so much as "The Sound of Music." It got you like Arlene got Garfield.

You knew all of the words to the songs, and you would sing them as you walked around the house - perhaps even bobbing to "Do Re Mi" like the children in the movie, in their new curtain lederhosen. You may have even dreamed of auditioning for one of the young roles in the show at a nearby community theater. You could never get over the bravery of the nuns for hiding Maria and her family. And something about Max Detweiler really spoke to you, but you couldn't put your finger on it.

Why wasn't your family exuberant and musical, you may have pouted. Where was your spunky governess with the voice of an angel? And how on earth did they really pull off that puppet show??

Whatever it was about "The Sound of Music," it changed something within you. Every time you went camping with your family, you imagined you were musically fleeing the Nazis. Every time something bad happened, you sang "My Favorite Things." Every time you passed a gazebo, you imagined you were Liesl, and Rolf was about to take you in his arms.

Yeah, you were okay until that last one. After that, you were gay for good.


cb said...

Please -- I was a homo way before that gazebo scene, although I still have a thing for Rolf and his delicate dancing to this day. No, that movie turned me gay during the credits, when I turned to my mom during a crescendo in the overture and said, "Oh! Salzburg looks like such a beautiful place!"

Jim said...

I watched Bette Davis in Now, Voyager. With my mother, no less.