Wednesday, September 20, 2006

We Bet The First Thanksgiving Got Pretty Hot With All That Corn...And Butter...And Feathers...

It's Wednesday, so time again for “Tales from the Casebook: Gay Gay Gay.” This week, we go back to a time of churning butter and clearing land...when Harvard was but a year old and still had Early Action...to discuss the history of Sodomy Laws.

Plymouth Colony
1637, August 6

John Alexander & Thomas Roberts were both examined and found guilty of lewd behavior and unclean carriage one with another, by often spending their seed on upon another, which was proved both by witness & their own confession...
That’s hot. And who was this “witness” by the way. Clearly if he’s telling on them, he has the 1637 version of Gay Shame.

It goes on:
...the said Alexander [was] found to have been formerly notoriously guilty that way, and seeking to allure others thereunto.
So...this guy goes around all day telling men to come over by him and then “spends his seed upon” them? We imagine the convo to have gone something like this:
Notorious John: Oh William! Come hither! I haveth something to show thee!”
William: Pray, I shall.
Notorious John: Isn’t this just divine? God hath not created a finer...O...M...G...UHHHH.
William: OH MY PURITAN LORD! MY EYE!!!
And it took until 2003 to get these laws overturned. America.

4 comments:

Aatom said...

I'm sensing a slight sin of omission in this otherwise witty post. As in: "America. Slow as hell, but at least they don't hang us in the public square!" You forgot to mention that last part.

Anonymous said...

If they weren't burned at the stake I'll bet they spent a few weeks in the stocks in the public square. That would be akin to what our current gummit likes to refer to as 'stress positions'.

Gunn said...

Jeez, Aatom. Are you always 'on message'?

Aatom said...

I try to retain a certain sense of consistency.