Monday, September 11, 2006

You Survived Without Martha and Lil' Kim For a Few Months, You Can Surely Make it Through This...

Welcome to The FAGAT Guide: Guest 'Mo Edition. We hope this is less tramautic than the time Kelly and Jessie mysteriously disappeared from Bayside High and leather-clad, motorcycle riding, pole and the hole liking Tori was there instead.

We are very happy to be here, and hope we can live up to your expectations during our stint as guest-blogger. Please keep a few things in mind:

1. Unlike Bigmouth, we are productive members of society, and therefore we apologize in advance if we miss a day or two. And since we are productive members of society, we don’t really interact with “celebrities,” so don’t expect any exclusive interviews with any of them. Well, maybe the occasional star-f*cker photo will show up, but VERY rarely.

2. Unlike Bigmouth, we don’t “go out” or “date” or "get dirty texts” or even “get messaged” on “friendster.” We sit and read in a library all day. Hence, we have an even more cynical view of the world, if you thought it possible. Sometimes this may come across as bitter. And it is.

3. Unlike Bigmouth, we are the children of immigrants, and thus don’t speak or write English too good. Grammar and syntax are not priorities when you only have rice and fishpaste to eat, and spend all day praying for Sally Struthers to come over.

4. Finally, in the interest of full disclosure, we just want to say that Bigmouth is the reason we are gay, since he forced himself upon us in a squash court stairwell sophomore year of college, back when we liked girls. That and the a cappella, of course.

Bigmouth, we wish you the best of luck in Spain, and please, BE SAFE. Last time we were there, we lost our friend at a gay foam party only to find that he had slipped on the stairs and was under the chest-high foam for 2.6 minutes. He was OK, but surfaced with a bruised hip and syphilis. And be sure to figure out how to say “We don’t want to go to the back room with you” before you get there. Unfortunately, they didn’t teach that to us in Spanish Club.

12 comments:

Tristan said...

As we say in French when a King dies (without being decapitated) and a new one is called to the thrown: Fagat est mort, Vive Fagat.

Mary said...

OMG best Fagat Guide post EVER!!!

LL said...

New Fagat, you are already a minor celebrity. I couldn't be more excited.

Tristan said...

I meant to the throne...could people teach me English for chrissake !

Schweitz said...

All I have to say is: Sulmaan Khan.

Anonymous said...

I was mortified when kelly, and jessie left! This I can deal with.

bigmouth said...

Hooray! I´m so proud that the seed I planted so many years ago has blossomed into a full grown Fagat!

Meanwhile, all the gays here have mullets. Fantastico!!

Anonymous said...

The world is right again! I have been going through withdrawl and JF has taken to purchasing clothes made in sweat shops. Go figure.

JF said...

I just like to keep the kids busy

CB said...

Welcome, New Fagat, on behalf of Old Fagat's D.C. posse. If you can't stomach/find the (minor) celebs in New York to blog about, you're welcome down here so that you can rub elbows with second-rate, closeted lawmakers. We have (minor) connections, and we're not afraid to use 'em for the greater Fagat good.

Bald Knob said...

Official Fagat Chicago office approves of new Fagat. Not that I'm gay, but maybe my vote can count in a District-of-Columbia way- for nothing, but at least people heard me.

Michael S said...

I'M MORE THAN DELIGHTED to see you here. Of cawse I'll miss Fagat, but wherever you were, don't go back there if it means obscurity.

I'll be watching you.