Welcome to The FAGAT Guide: Guest 'Mo Edition. We hope this is less tramautic than the time Kelly and Jessie mysteriously disappeared from Bayside High and leather-clad, motorcycle riding, pole and the hole liking Tori was there instead.
We are very happy to be here, and hope we can live up to your expectations during our stint as guest-blogger. Please keep a few things in mind:
1. Unlike Bigmouth, we are productive members of society, and therefore we apologize in advance if we miss a day or two. And since we are productive members of society, we don’t really interact with “celebrities,” so don’t expect any exclusive interviews with any of them. Well, maybe the occasional star-f*cker photo will show up, but VERY rarely.
2. Unlike Bigmouth, we don’t “go out” or “date” or "get dirty texts” or even “get messaged” on “friendster.” We sit and read in a library all day. Hence, we have an even more cynical view of the world, if you thought it possible. Sometimes this may come across as bitter. And it is.
3. Unlike Bigmouth, we are the children of immigrants, and thus don’t speak or write English too good. Grammar and syntax are not priorities when you only have rice and fishpaste to eat, and spend all day praying for Sally Struthers to come over.
4. Finally, in the interest of full disclosure, we just want to say that Bigmouth is the reason we are gay, since he forced himself upon us in a squash court stairwell sophomore year of college, back when we liked girls. That and the a cappella, of course.
Bigmouth, we wish you the best of luck in Spain, and please, BE SAFE. Last time we were there, we lost our friend at a gay foam party only to find that he had slipped on the stairs and was under the chest-high foam for 2.6 minutes. He was OK, but surfaced with a bruised hip and syphilis. And be sure to figure out how to say “We don’t want to go to the back room with you” before you get there. Unfortunately, they didn’t teach that to us in Spanish Club.