We´ve been in Madrid for three days (the older, crustier Fagat, that is) and boy are our wrists tired (that´s a handjob joke). The city is great, the people are lovable, and of course, we generally have no idea what is going on.
But, here are some quick things we´ve learned about Madrid (we don´t know how to make fancy bullet points like New Fagat, so bear with us):
1) It is cool here to wear capri pants
2) It is also cool to have a mullet
3) The coolest thing, however, is to wear trashy American slogan tees.
4) Everyone here, basically, looks pretty faggy
5) Nopody really works after 2 pm. Instead, like the graceful manatee, they eat, rest, and then look for more food to eat.
6) Things that they don´t eat include vegetables. Mostly it´s just bread, booze, cheese, sausage, and cigarettes.
7) Naturally, we love it here.
Yesterday, we had a martini and some tapas at a streetside cafe. Except we accidentally ordered an entire plate of serrano ham. Though we are going to die approx. 5 years sooner because of it, we don´t regret it. It was the best thing that´s ever happened to us.
The best part is, Americans are super popular at gay bars. You don´t even need to speak Spanish. Just having blue eyes, or blonde hair, or freckles, is enough to get you as much "culo" as you want. (For those of you who are not native speakers, that´s Spanish for "boygina.")
We miss you already! Just kidding!