We Thought We Had To Leave the Bullsh*t Fluff Classes Behind After That “Homoeroticism In Abercrombie Ads” Paper In College...Boy Were We Wrong...

On Wednesdays, we have a seminar called "Sexuality and the Law." (This class is a requirement for our joint J.D./Mrs. program.) Since the reading for the class is filled with dirty, dirty things that we spend all day sharing with people on IM, we thought we might as well start a new Wednesday series called "This Is The Reason They Ban Books In the Midwest: Choice Quotes From A Gay-Ass Casebook."

This week we were lucky enough to read about Lesbian Sex. Marilyn Frye writes,

"[A recent study] found that lesbian couples have sex far less frequently than any other type of couple....In their sample, only about one third of lesbians in relationships of two years or longer 'had sex' once a week or more; 47% of lesbians in long term relationships 'had sex' once a month or less, while among heterosexual married couples only 15% had sex once a month or less."

And now that The View is syndicated, these numbers are only going to get worse. She goes on:

"It was brought to [Park Slope's] attention during our ruminations on this that what 85% of long-term heterosexual married couples do more than once a month takes on the average 8 minutes to do....I know from my own experience, that what we do that, on average, we do considerably less frequently, takes on the average, considerably more than 8 minutes to do. Maybe about 30 minutes at the least. Sometimes maybe about an hour."

An HOUR? Is she kidding? Don't these people have back episodes of Grey's Anatomy and Lost to get through?

"And it is not uncommon that among these relatively uncommon occurences, an entire afternoon or evening is given over to activities organized around doing it."

Now this is too much.

Gay men, sadly, feature nowhere in the article, mostly because we are usually blackout drunk and can't possibly remember how long it took. But some would argue that we too organize entire evenings around "doing it," except our evenings don't involve candles and batteries, rather, plastic bottles of vodka, cab fares, and a deep sense of regret.

The best part of the reading, however, is this little blow to all those straight women out there:

"I'm willing to draw the conclusion that heterosexual women don't 'have sex' either, that what they report is the frequency with which their partners 'had sex.'"

OH SNAP! And all you ladies get from it is 9 months of hemorrhoids and a lifetime of stretch marks...