Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Our Father Told Us We Were Bad At Sports Because We Lacked "Mental Toughness." That's Also What Our Eyebrow Threader Tells Us When We Cry In Pain.

We have been suffering from withdrawal the past 2 days, and it's far worse than the last K hole we were in. This withdrawal is not something you expect from a gay, since it has to do with...(gasp)...SPORTS!

Our withdrawal stems from the fact that the U.S. Open is dunzo. We watched it pretty religiously, and even resorted to backstabbing friends and family to get tickets for Andre's last win EVER. But we've been questioning why the gays choose Grand Slam Tennis, along with Olympic Swimming, Diving and Figure Skating as the only sports we really care about. Here are some thoughts:
  • These events only happen once a year, or once every four years, for only about two weeks. Since we have short attention spans and can't commit, we choose to care about sports we don't have to deal with for a whole season, after which we can go back to Beige having only missed two weeks.
  • These sports are individual, and don't bring back memories of taking the bus back to school after the soccer game against Friends Academy when everyone on the team starts yelling at you and throwing things at you and calling you names since you accidentally scored on your own goal. (I WAS HIT IN THE HEAD WITH THE BALL AND WAS DISORIENTED YOU F*CKERS).
  • Related, how can you not love a sport that renames its national hub in honor of a big, giant lesbian?
  • And lastly, not only can we enjoy watching these sports, but we can enjoy playing these sports as well, since they allow us to freely wear our massive collections of tight shorts, speedos, and swan costumes.


Anonymous said...

Johnny Weir is okay, but Rudy Galindo is http://www.rudy-galindo.com/news.htm GREAT. (Seriously, check out the picture on this website. Not a true Rudy costume, but felixibility galore.)

ER said...

Wait, Billie Jean King is gay?