We have just made an amazing discovery.
Nowhere Bar, the strange, always empty gay hole-in-the-wall near our apartment, has a special night every Wednesday. It's called Runt Nite. And it's for - wait for it - short gays.
And the appropriately-sized gays who love them.
This news really made our day. We can't stop imagining how every Wednesday, the Oompa Loompas of New York wriggle out of their trundle beds, get off the stepping stool in front of the bathroom sink, pull on their Gap Kids jeans and flock to Nowhere. There, they can drink .99 cent pints (har!), or half pints, which are cheaper (hardy har!), and attempt to grope one another under the barstools with their stubby Simpsonesque fingers. Brilliant.
If you're looking for us tonight, we'll be the ones walking down 14th Street with the bowling balls ...