Wednesday, December 28, 2005

And Here We Were Thinking, Short People Ain't Got No Reason To Live...

We have just made an amazing discovery.

Nowhere Bar, the strange, always empty gay hole-in-the-wall near our apartment, has a special night every Wednesday. It's called Runt Nite. And it's for - wait for it - short gays.

And the appropriately-sized gays who love them.

This news really made our day. We can't stop imagining how every Wednesday, the Oompa Loompas of New York wriggle out of their trundle beds, get off the stepping stool in front of the bathroom sink, pull on their Gap Kids jeans and flock to Nowhere. There, they can drink .99 cent pints (har!), or half pints, which are cheaper (hardy har!), and attempt to grope one another under the barstools with their stubby Simpsonesque fingers. Brilliant.

If you're looking for us tonight, we'll be the ones walking down 14th Street with the bowling balls ...

6 comments:

Tristan said...

We, at the lollipop guilde, are suing you.

Paddbear said...

haven't you heard that good things come in small packages?

bigmouth said...

What's wrong with big packages?

Plato Guy said...

this is bar-none the best night in the city. When I moved to nyc from montreal one of the big losses was short guys. I don't know what is in the water in the US but it produces lotsa tall men (nothing wrong with that - I'm 6'2" myself) but lordy did i miss the short guys... and then i found out about runt. And now i'm a happy cannuck...

deutschmarc said...

I find that where I live there are tons of short guys. It's the tall guys that are impossible to find. They are like unicorns or leprechauns...

Anonymous said...

JACK: What you have... is a pocket gay.

WILL: A pocket gay?

KAREN AND GRACE [BOTH]: A pocket gay?

JACK: A pocket gay. The perfect travel-size homosexual. Just pop him in a man-purse, a briefcase, and you're good to go. In ten years they'll be making 'em all that way.