So Then, For My Birthday Party, Which Was An All-Girls Pool Party, I Was Like, "Janis, I Can't Invite You, Because I Think You're Lesbian."

We’re not saying anybody is gay or anything. But today’s Page Six item about Bryan Singer’s holiday “Mostly Male” pool party made us recall that it’s about the time of the season for Lance Bass’s “Mainly Mo” New Year’s bash. Our favorite "Mean Girls" star, Jonathan Bennett, is expected again this year. If someone at the party has a moment of clarity during an E downroll, can you please send us pictures of the nonsexual naked chickenfights in the pool?

Because, after years and years, White Squall just isn’t doing it for us anymore.