Is It Sexual Harassment If You Can Turn It Into A Funny Story Afterward?

Mario Vasquez has been accused of sexually harassing an “American Idol” employee while he was a contestant on the show. He allegedly touched himself in a bathroom in front of another guy. We haven’t always appreciated the way Vasquez has always denied being gay, despite his longterm “close friendship” with a male stylist at Warren Tricomi. Yet this seems like a very strange, very unlikely, very late accusation (didn’t he quit the show over two years ago?). We were hoping that if and when Mario did come out, if he is indeed gay at all, that it would be voluntarily and proudly – not through some skeevy lawsuit.

On a related note, we just took a Sexual Harassment Seminar at work and boy, are we sexually harassed CONSTANTLY. No one has ever masturbated outside of our toilet stall, and if they had, it would probably be at least biologically interesting. But if any of our Human Resources people ever read the interoffice memos between us and the other gays… yowza! Having gay co-workers by definition – and practice – basically means you’re going to have your boundaries crossed. (Memo to David the Latin Custodian – even if you are not gay, you can cross our boundaries any time).

We were wondering if this could potentially be a bad, thing, as there have been moments of slight discomfort at work with gay higher-ups. (Is it our fault for dressing so preppily, which for gays has the same aphrodisiacal effect as a girl dressing sluttily?) And we imagine that it could be worse elsewhere – at the Congressional Page dorm, for example, or Logo.

At the same time, if we couldn’t be raunchy with our co-workers, how would we find out about the intimate sexual proclivities of the rest of gay New York media?

And more importantly, where would we get all of our pedophilia jokes??