Has anyone ever noticed how explicit the Djimon Hounsou Calvin Klein ads are? You can practically see the veins in his giant black cock (and you can DEFINITELY see that he is circumsized). We almost found it to be a relief to see on Towleroad that the David Beckham Armani underwear ads had the "generic bugle" look going on. Sure, it probably means there's a sock in there along with the Beckham junk, but it's better than imagining what ends up inside Kimora Lee Simmons on a regular basis.
A question to readers: Does anyone know who writes the blog "Guest of a Guest"? We were hesitant to ask, because we know the blog is desperately trying to gain notoriety and they are DYING for people to try and figure out who they are. But it is on our RSS feed and we can't help but notice that a) the authors rip off posts from other blogs and make them seem as though they are original, and b) we probably know them. They were gay enough (and Gawker-obsessed enough) to interview Kristian Laliberte and not make fun of him. They weirdly name-dropped unknown actress Francesca Cecil (our college classmate) twice. They get invited to the same small parties we do. They're obsessed with/maybe work at New York Magazine. They encourage people to go to the Head of the Charles and Princeton Lawn Parties. We're completely curious in spite of ourselves. Anyway, email us at fagats @ gmail.com if you know. We're bored at the end of the day and we now work in an open office so we safely spend the last hour of work clicking through The Pretty Boys Club.
Okay, so we've been watching this whole Big Head DC/Trent Lott/Gay Hooker thing unfold, and it's really making us ill. We have no idea who Big Head DC is, but they clearly don't know a thing about gay hookers. Having had to interview a few for work (really), we can tell you that a) ones who have secrets, keep them, and b) ones who don't have secrets will do anything to appear like they do. If you read the correspondence between Big Head and alleged Lott-humper Benjamin Nicholas, Nicholas is clearly playing coy with Big Head. Big Head just falls for it, and what's more, publishes correspondence that he told Nicholas was off the record. Basically, everybody looks stupid and the whole thing is completely boring and predictable. Why have we written two posts about it? Because it was either that or running naked pictures of that hot gay from Project Runway, and we figured you'd like to hear us rant about some boring political non-story than check out a reality star's junk. Right?
Longtime Fagats readers will appreciate the crossover we are about to experience this weekend. Our blog BFF FHC will be in town this weekend to visit, arriving on Thursday night. Also in town will be our blog friend-with-benefits, FrenchBenj. Though
the two hail from the same country and have traded barbs online for years now, they have never met in person. And yet, it just might be the case that they will be in the same place at the same time this week. Which raises the obvious questions: Where should this meeting take place (it's Thursday night, so Pop Rocks? Vlada? The corner of Avenue A and 13th Street?)? Who should be present (LL? TAHF? Bigmouth?)? How drunk should everybody be (a little? A lot? French?)? What should we wear?
Did anybody notice, buried within a story about teeth-grinding (which we are embarrassed to say we were profoundly interested by), this section? During sleep bruxism, [a doctor] explained, the upper and lower teeth may come into direct contact as much as 40 minutes per hour, and — for example, on the first molar — with a force of about 250 pounds. Hence the football player. Compare that with normal circumstances, when a person’s teeth make contact for about 20 minutes a day, while chewing, and with only 20 to 40 pounds of pressure. Even if I wanted a football player in my bed, I certainly wouldn’t want him standing on my teeth. I became aware of his presence the way that many bruxers do. My then-boyfriend told me I woke him up with a dreadful crunching noise that came from grinding.Emphasis added. The article is titled "A Lineman in My Bed."
Um… Since when is the Times so casual about its writers being so faggy? It's great! Like, the gayness of the author is an unquestioned premise of the story – like how the gay characters on Desperate Housewives don't have any plotlines related to their sexuality; they're just as normal and demented as everyone else on the show. Now that's what we call progress.
And an excuse to post a picture of a sweaty football player's belly.
Behold, the fashion party fixture, and Lance Bass, morphing into one another. This is Lance from the cover of this week's HX Magazine.
So, as you may or may not have heard, Bigmouth has two gay roommates these days. Gone are the days when a heterosexual couple ruled our roost. In their place have arrived two different flavors of fags. One is a burly marathon runner who loves to cook experimental meals. The other is a spritely (ok, Jewy) law student who supplies a lot of witty (ok, cruel) banter around the apartment. We must say, though we miss our previous roommates desperately (especially Fishwatch!), they are truly a delightful pair of people to live with. Except, we've found that everything that's great about them comes with a caveat. Hence, a list: 1) They are both far better dressed than we are... Except they both have short arms and we don't fit into their clothes.
2) They don't have long, feminine locks that get caught on everything, including our clothes… Instead they have short body hair that they are constantly trimming that gets caught in everything, especially drains.
3) They are not nasty about the apartment getting messy… They're just nasty AND messy.
4) They always want to go out and drink…. Yeah, um, blessing and curse.
5) They always have delicious, unhealthy food around the house, yet both remain quite trim… While we do not.
6) They're both huge whores… See #4.
7) They're very chipper and chatty in the mornings… See #4.
8) They are handsome and always on the prowl… So nobody every looks at us in bars any more.
9) They feel comfortable borrowing any and all of our products…. And porn.
10) Other friends now constantly ask us about a cute guys we know on Facebook… which means we will invariably have to deal with other said friends in our bathroom in the morning in the near future.
11) They loll around in their underwear on the furniture all the time… Yeah, and then one day we got scabies from our couch. See #6.
Overall, it's much more of a boon than a burden to live with two cute fags. But, you know, let the buyer beware. Gays are much louder during sex than straights, as it turns out. And it's unlikely your straight guy roommate will ever get up in the morning, hungover, and ask you, "Did I give you a blowjob last night? I have rugburn on my knees."
*Please, don't worry, that's not us in the picture.Well, well, well. We KNEW Gawker read our little blog here. In today's rendition of the blog there's a post about "Super Mario Brothers: The Lost Levels," that includes the following quote by editor Alex Pareene:
That's the game that was the "real" sequel to the classic Super Mario Brothers that was never released in the US because it was sadistically difficult and instead we got the weird bullshit American Mario 2 where everyone knew to play as Princess Toadstool even though it was def kinda gay.Pareene, we know you're not an asscheek motorboater, but have you been reading the Fagat Guide's "Why You Are Gay" posts?
Um. This is the best blog post ever, passed on to us from our Tall and Handsome Friend. We were just thinking the other day, as we walked past all the weird old men in drag who sometimes hang out at Boysroom during the week, that sometimes 
So the father of a dead soldier won nearly $11 million from hatemonger Fred Phelps and his family, after they protested around the funeral of his son. The Phelps family has lately taken to doing such things, as they think the Iraq war is somehow a punishment for American tolerance of homosexuality. We were delighted with the news (we're interested to see whether Phelps have that kind of money, which will surely be revealing about what their real motives in all of this are – plus, they deserved the legal slap), but something Phelps said on the Today show this morning made us uneasy. "We got more and we're getting more appropriate news coverage than anything we've ever done," he said, adding that he was delighted by the verdict. How do you fight against someone whose main goal is to make you want to fight? You can't, but hopefully by tying their financial strings, we're making progress.
So there's this eager intern in our office who asked the intern manager the other day if our workplace is one where people get dressed up for Halloween. The intern manager, knowing that this is exactly the opposite of that kind of place, said "…..sure."Today we came into the office to find said intern decked out head to toe in drag, with a flawless Lucille Bluth costume. There was even a martini on the desk beside his keyboard.
Not a single other person in our open newsroom wore a costume, not even a funny hat.
And you know what? Contrary to what we expected, it kind of made the kid the coolest guy in the office. Nice.
One of our very favorite Power Bottoms (you know who you are! As do many, many Fagats readers!) forwarded us this blog post. It commemorates a day we should all recognize, honoring a group of gays that we here at Fagats hold very dear to our hearts. It's the one day of the year that we recognize those power bottoms who continue to astonish us with their mad skillz. This is not to be confused with Bubble Butt Bonanza Day, which occurs on the last Friday of April. In case you've been living under a rock, a power bottom is a man who enthusiastically takes it up the butt. He enjoys it, never winces, is an aggressive participant, and usually begs for more. They are a treasure and must be showered with admiration. Take the poll at the bottom (har, har) to let us know what you enjoy the most. PBs set themselves apart from lazy bottoms (yawn), dirty bottoms (ew), and tops masquerading as bottoms (stop, it hurts).Oh, Power Bottoms. Where would we be without you? In an uncomfortable position, that's where.
For a long time, Details was our favorite magazine. We have no idea why – the writing is strange and neither relevant nor clever. The pictures of the boys are hot but they were often too fully-clothed. It must be something to do with the heavy, sexy feel of a fashion magazine, combined with the pages and pages of things that would make us look fabulous. Except we will never be rich enough to afford any of them, so that doesn't make sense either. But anyway, Details is finally catching up with every other magazine in the world and releasing some of their content on the web. Such as this story, about gay "sexpats," who are rich heirs who come to the Fourteen models, (7 men, 7 women) all of whom think they could be the smartest in America, will live together as they compete to determine which of them has what it takes to be dubbed "America's Most Smartest Model" -- The perfect combination of Beauty and Brains.Wow.
I am not as hot when I smile since I have big teeth.
No, these are not photo-shopped in.
Who farted? What? It wasn't me!
In an enlightening expose of the underground world of “Friends With Benefits,” the Times reports that “research, conducted among Michigan State University students, confirmed previous findings that most college students report having had at least one such relationship.” NO WAY!
Well well well. Fancy seeing us here. We apologize (especially to Bigmouth) for our prolonged absence from the internets. We have no new job, and no other blogs that required our attention. Really, we only have entire seasons of shows on DVD, facebook.com, and the new Fall lineup to blame for our amazing display of laziness. But now that we actually do have craploads to do, we thought we would avoid doing it and once again start commenting on all things gay. To begin our reentry into the blogosphere, we want to recap our cab experience on Saturday, circa The scene is
So, we couldn't help but have our interest piqued by this Towleroad post about the upcoming CGI Beowulf film, in which writer Roger Avary discusses how he feels about showing a cartoonized Ray Winstone fighting monsters in only his (magnificent) birthday suit: "When I wrote it, I envisaged the character of Den in the Heavy Metal comic. Den was a character by Richard Corben, who was easily one of my favorite artists. [Den] was this muscular guy with a gigantic schlong. He would always go into battle and beat the hell out of people, totally in the buff. He never wore clothes. That kind of stuck with me. I love it when somebody takes something like a fight — or really any event — and twists it to the point where you're naked doing it. Also, there was a proud tradition of berserkers going into battle naked. It just shows how fearless you are. I don't know about you, but if someone came at me, like, 'Aaaaargh!' naked, I'd be, 'Whoa!' Had we done it [like] Richard Corben's Den, the MPAA would have had huge, huge problems. As it is, I think the movie is going to have to achieve a more tempered rating. I don't think that we're going to be [seeing] Beowulf's gigantic, you know, baby's-arm-holding-an-apple-sized schlong onscreen. However, because this is performance-capture, it's not inconceivable that, at some point down the road, they simply re-render, widen-out shots, move things out of the way and put together a hard-R or NC-17 version of the movie."We just went to the movie's website to see their adult only trailer (you have to put in your birthdate to see it), which features a CGI Angelina Jolie in the buff, but only a split second of Winstone's ass. Is it pathetic that, while this isn't a movie we'd normally see (it doesn't seem to bear much relation to the "Beowulf" we read in freshman Lit), the addition of a giant cartoon penis would probably make us rent the DVD?
We've been really appreciating Jeff Bercovici's coverage of the New York Post's homophobia lately. And today he really drives the point home: practically no gays work there. Read his column today to hear all about the Post's institutionalized prejudice. Also, admire his pic - while not gay, he certainly is dreamy....
Just so everyone knows, the Cock's liquor license is up for review this week. They've had complaints so it may not be an easy pass (we totally wish we knew what the complaints were! "Men drinking on the sidewalk…Men smoking on the sidewalk…Men too loud on the sidewalk…Men blocking the sidewalk…Men fucking on the sidewalk…). It makes us think back to the first time we went there, during our first summer in 
So in order to explain why the hell we haven't been writing, we thought we'd give you a little insight into our daily life. See, we got this new job lately. Instead of actual newspaper reporting, we now write a blog. Which is so taxing that by the end of the day, we're not as eager to write on our personal blog. But we will keep trying. Anyway, because we write a blog, we start work from home, and then go into the office around noon. That means that when we begin typing away, our first gay roommate is making coffee and getting ready for work. After a little bit, our second gay roommate gets up and drinks the rest of the coffee, and tries to distract us from our work. This is sort of a fun way to start the day, but also a bit taxing since both first gay roommate AND second gay roommate are huge whores and there's always some sort of drama/man in the apartment in the morning. To our knowledge, first gay roommate and second gay roommate have yet to hook up. The upside of all of this gayness is that we've started having more dinner parties. The downside of it is that none of us are actually stylish gays, so the apartment isn't any nicer. Anyway, now the main question seems to be when to have our first underwear party. Will it be too chilly in October?
Our dear friend Bates (a.k.a. "Golden Delicious") sent us over this link today, because we got a new gay roommate (more on that later), bringing our apartment 'motal up to three:Goldy's suggestion to us was, "Maybe you guys could sell gay offsets to Republicans on the side?" Not a bad idea!Maybe Craig can buy "gay offsets"
By now you've most likely heard of Idaho Senator Larry Craig's [alleged] dalliance in a men's airport bathroom. The pundits have been out in force with the hypocrisy charges, and rightly so considering Craig's past stances and actions. But considering how often liberals react when conservatives question people like Al Gore and other "greens" about their own hypocrisy, I'm wondering when we'll hear these same libs wondering about "why shoot the messenger" and saying "but isn't the real issue ..." regarding the Craig incident.
Perhaps Craig can be like many Hollywood dopes (and Al Gore) but instead of purchasing carbon offsets he can buy gay offsets to "reduce his gay footprint" (or, more accurately, his "wide stance").
Now, to be clear, we love Gayz of Our Lives, but we have to say – these clips that they've captured (hilariously) pretty much encapsulates why we are terrified of going to 
After many weekends out of the city, we were finally able to get out and debauch ourselves over the past couple of days in 
When you were little, you probably mostly watched kid television – like "Full House," "Blossom," or "But as you grew older, watching re-runs of "Remington Steele" and "Quantum Leap" became a different experience. You stopped hoping for the part where Scott Bakula zapped himself into another wacky life, and started wishing there were more episodes where he was an Olympic diver. Instead of enjoying the G-rated flirting on "Remington Steele," you wondered why the hell Pierce Brosnan didn't just fuck Stephanie Zimbalist already. So you could watch.
The shows may have gone off the air before you realized you were gay. But every time you see Scott Bakula in an ABC Family Original Movie, we're betting it takes you back some. To a day when, admit it, you thought chest hair was a little bit okay. Kind of nice, even. You know, to nestle your face in. Or taste. Or whatever.
So we were forwarded (we swear) the following Craigslist posting, which we really, really love. We'll let it speak for itself:
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/m4m/398119975.html
Reply to: pers-398119975@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-15, 10:09PM EDT
vgl, masc, smart, hung, very good shape top college guy working on Wall St. looking for a masc, ivy league (minus columbia and cornell) or other comparable college grad who was an athlete (lax, squash, tennis, hockey, alpine skiing, crew, sailing are best) AND is still in great shape, working at a top banking firm (front office only please), Corp Law, or consulting. into WASPY prep school types who are into squash, golf, skiing, art and maybe even knows what a jib halyard is. being well endowed would be icing on the cake. younger than 35 please unless you are exceptional.
Did anyone else see this story in Newsweek about Hillary and the gays? You should read it. It's not news that the leading Democratic candidates (who favor abolishing Don't Ask, Don't Tell and support civil partnerships) don't support marriage equality and aren't vocal enough about our rights. But we're glad somebody vocalized something we've been feeling a long time: We kind of love Hillary. For no good reason. Maybe it's because she's mom-like, maybe it's because she's almost a powerful black woman, or maybe it's just because she pops her collars – for whatever reason, it's there. God, we're so fucking predictable.
Our old pal Jamie Kirchick just had an essay in the Boston Globe about being persecuted by his fellow gays because he’s a Republican. You should read the essay, because it’s an interesting point of view. Something that annoys us about
But Kirchick makes the same generalizations about gay liberals that he accuses them of making about Republicans: “For many gays, liberalism is just as much a visceral, reactionary tendency as it is a positive affirmation of political belief. Many gays I know – especially those from red states – blame conservatism writ large as the villain that repressed them for so many years. Thus, their homosexuality dictates their political views on everything. For these gays, it is just as much a part of the "coming out" process to be a loud liberal as a proud homosexual.”
That’s a blanket statement which discredits the many gay men and women who have extremely nuanced political views. Sure - being gay can heighten one’s attention to politics (it has for us), it doesn’t necessarily make you a reactionary fool. What Jamie is saying is akin to believing that all conservatives who call for immigration reform are inherently racist. Sure, some are – but to generalize in that manner is unfair to the many that aren’t.
Plus, the gays all know everybody’s got their own problems in the bedroom. Republicans take too long to finish, and Dems pull out too early. Badda bing!
"Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In return it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations...."Those of you from Massachusetts may recognize these as the opening sentences of the State Supreme Court decision in "Goodridge v. Board of Health." The sentences directly following that quote, which went unsaid at on Saturday night but whose message was loud and clear, are here:
"The question before us is whether, consistent with the Massachusetts Constitution, the Commonwealth may deny the protections, benefits, and obligations conferred by civil marriage to two individuals of the same sex who wish to marry. We conclude that it may not."The bride and groom are, obviously, not gay, but in addition to liking the eloquent sentiments in the reading, they wanted to give a nod to their gay friends and family members that their version of marriage is one that was all-inclusive. It was, we thought, touching and wise.
Queerty points out that today, Elisabeth Hasselbeck vocalized some of her most liberal sentiments to date - about gay marriage, of all things. It's funny that this happened after Radical Rosie stopped beating her up about everything and putting her on the defensive.
We can't wait for the tortured sexual politics that will come into play when Whoopi is on board!
Well, we thought our last Sunday was pretty gay. But this most recent Sunday might have just topped it. Last night we went with our tall and handsome friend to Patti Lupone’s final performance at Encores, as Mama Rose in “Gypsy.”
In 2002, when we left for our senior year of college, we took our family dog, Sophie, with us. She was already a little old lady Shih Tzu, who preferred the company of people over dogs (see picture, with our housemate Derrick). She used to follow us from room to room, wherever we went, and preferred to be carried rather than walking herself. She was a big hit with the college crowd (one time our roommates got her stoned and she rolled around on the carpet with vertigo for an hour) and enjoyed going to parties. We used to imagine that she had the voice and personality of Angela Lansbury, and that as she sat in the corner of a room full of drunken seniors, she’d look around and begin singing, in her head, “Tale as old as time…”
It was sixth grade. You were in social studies, getting nervous to get up and talk about your Current Event. You had the newspaper clipping about Clarence Thomas, or the Persian Gulf, spread out on your Formica desktop, with your pens lined up in the long groove along the top. Then, suddenly, as your teacher was writing something on the whiteboard, the girl next to you slipped a folded up piece of lined paper, shaped into a tiny triangle."People always say how you should be yourself, like 'yourself' is this definite thing, like a toaster or something. Like you can know what it is, even. But every so often, I'll have like, a moment, when just being myself in my life, right where I am, is like, enough."You quickly got to work writing your response.
This clip, borrowed from Perez Hilton, is truly delicious. At about 1:30, Beyonce takes a huge nosedive down a set of stairs. After less than two seconds, she's up again, whipping her hair around to recover.
Maybe she really IS a superhero!
What did you do last night? Hiro perhaps? Did you have a vodka soda in a plastic cup and flirt with a boy in American Apparel undies? Maybe makeout with a summer intern from Dubuque?We love it when Anderson Cooper makes inside jokes where nobody is actually on the outside. (We stole this clip from Perez Hilton, watch until Anderson's quiet comment at the end, and Erica's nervous laughter...)
For me, just shopping for a new pair of shoes is exhausting. I try on maybe one or two new pairs, and I'm ready to call it a day. But a homosexual can sit for hours in Barney's tirelessly trying on dozens of pairs, and when he finds the one he wants, why, he's ready to wear those shoes out to a homosexual club and dance all night. What vim!We've got to start using the word "vim" more frequently.
Allow us to introduce one of our very best fag hags, who has just started blogging. We met Noelle at a black tie dinner years ago, when Sargent Shriver was making some speech about something, and Eunice Shriver was tottering in a corner looking like Skeletor. The whole event was alcohol free (we were in college!) so we spent it running to the bathroom to do shots, and also talking about our best vomit stories. Ever since then, we have been obviously very close.
There were times when you were young when nobody was around, and you were left with the remote. This is when you took control of the TV and unabashedly watched random, slightly effeminate programming, just because you could. Maybe you developed a taste for “The Mary Tyler Moore” show on Nick at Nite (or, let’s be honest, “Rhoda”). Perhaps you just watched soap operas or Talk Soup. You might have even watched “Body by Jake!” (Oh Jake, even your muscles couldn’t catch all those orphaned dreams.)From a REAL dental ad airing in Queens.
If you don't get it, the YouTube title for this clip is "My Wife? My ass."...
We're curious what you guys think about this whole Elizabeth Edwards pro-gay marriage thing.
Amazing. We just got a sneak preview of Victoria Beckham’s one-hour special, “Victoria Beckham, Coming to America.” Rather than moving to Queens and working at McDowells, she moves to LA and sits by the pool.
Last night we went to our friend Lock’s “Going Away From Gawker” party on the Lower East Side. We were standing with our tall and handsome friend, and one of our best gays, Jesse O., when a prominent New York theater critic came up to us.Here is an independent woman living alone (widowed young apparently)It's so true. We do love it when men sit on our faces!
completely disengaged from any reliance on a man, who lives in a charming
sea side town. She travels, visiting her long list of friends who are
either wealthy, accomplished, attractive or all of the above. She is
famous, in the good way, kind of a like Carrie Bradshaw, just enough name
recognition to make people suck up to you.
Her "example" though that drove you to Sodom town: She is a feisty biatch
who always stands up for the wrongly accused. She beats the arrogant, macho
and dismissive police detectives not with muscle but with smarts. In each
episode's "J'accuse!" scene, she stands up to the murderer fearlessly and
explains how he/she did it, proving once again that this outsider has
everyone's number.
Recap: Female empowerment + rich people + emasculating male members of
authority + champion of the innocent victims of circumstance = you like it
when men sit on your face.
Recently, while on a road trip, we were stuck in the backseat of a Honda Accord with our tall and handsome friend. The two girls in the front of the car were asking questions from a box of Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture cards. They ran the gamut from “Punky Brewster” to dancing Yeltsin to “Die Harder,” and we were all pretty much doing equally well. Then came this question:
Our pal JustJared came across these amazing pics of Posh and Becks in the upcoming issue of W. The scan quality isn’t great, but wow. David Beckham looks like an orgasm in those white briefs.
