Saturday, October 08, 2005

"Dammit, Cuddle Monkey! The Fags Are On H&G Again. I Need A Zima, I'm All In A Tizzy!"


We normally hate to give any notice to the haters, but after the recent legalization of civil unions in Connecticut, there's been an expected backlash among Christian conservatives. While even the most right wing groups are wary of "ex-gays," the few and the un-proud insist upon drawing attention to themselves.

Take Stephen Bennett, for example, who is speaking there to try to "Set Connecticut Straight." (Ha! A pun! He learned something from being gay!)

Bennet [sic] says while all human beings deserve to be treated with love, all behaviors do not need to be encouraged or tolerated.In response to Connecticut's new law advancing homosexual rights, he comments, “America better wake up; that's all I say. I don't mean to sound harsh or angry, but it's gotten to the point right now where homosexuality is just so accepted now, it's being promoted on every television show.”

Bennett observes with marked exasperation that, in today's pro-homosexual mainstream culture, one “can't even watch the Home and Garden Network” without running into pro-homosexual affirmation. Nowadays, he says, even the once innocuous home improvement "reality shows" feature gay and lesbian couples, where they come in and make over their homes."

Apparently, when you go back to being straight, you don't get to keep your sense of irony.

On his typo-ridden personal website Bennett claims to have slept with 100 men during his 11 years in gayland. Which makes us wonder: We let Bennett come and go (frequently in one night, it seems) without trying to change him one way or another, and this is the thanks we get? Next time, we won't bother.

These days he may need the Bible and a congregation to cry out the Lord's name, but we remember all it used to take was some double anal porn and lubed-up can of spraypaint.

Zing! God, we love being queer.

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