"Half The People In This Room Are Mad At Me, And The Other Half Only Like Me Because They Think I Pushed Somebody In Front Of A Bus"

A twink and a dyke were elected prom king and queen at Buffalo Grove High School in Illinois last week. A Chicago NBC affiliate rightly judged that this touching tale is best told in slideshow form:

Were you expecting us to write something funny? No, no, no, silly gooses. This is like when Saturday Night Live spoofs Iron Chef - and it ends up exactly matching the original show. You can't embellish perfection.