This week's FHF comes to you from an old friend - Loudmouth. No relation.
I'm sorry, I suppose I should introduce myself. Hello, I am a fag hag. I've always been a fag hag. In fact, before I knew what a fag was I was a fag hag. I really came into my hagdom, however, when I matriculated at Yale University, a historic and prestigious institution steeped in tradition, acumen and homosexuality. It was there that I met the majority of my gays and came to appreciate the fun, friendships and security that the gay community affords.
After college, I moved to Chicago where I quickly established residency in Boys Town. A neighborhood, as you may have guessed, fraught with gay men. I was a pig in shit. When I decided to move to New York, I readied myself for the possibility that I wouldn't find a neighborhood quite like Boys Town ever again. So, you can imagine my delight when I stumbled upon an affordable apartment on west Christopher Street, an area renowned for it's colorful gay community.
But as soon as I moved in, I sensed that something was awry. The men on Christopher Street want nothing to do with me. Actually, the men on Christopher Street actively dislike me. On my walk home every night I'm forced to endure hateful verbal attacks. I've been called "preppy ass white bitch," "barbie," and "slut." Characteristics that every other gay in my life has found endearing.
Again, I ask you, what the hell is wrong with these 'mos? Don't they know a fruit fly when they see one?
The only conclusion that I can come up with is that these men are devoid of hagdar*.
Not cool, dudes.
*Hagdar, like gaydar, is the ability to correctly identify a hag in a crowd.