Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Yes, We Do Know All the Words To The "So Sad and Lonely" Song...

Thursday is Depression Screening Day here at school, and we invite all of you to come, it should be a blast. Luckily, Health Services sent out the "Too Blue" Screening Test in advance, which we just took, and passed. And by "passed" we mean we are depressed and need to go in for an additional screening. What got us this passing score, you ask? Well, the symptoms we displayed were:
  • Irritability
  • Anger
  • Feeling empty
  • Apathy/lack of feelings
  • The inability to experience pleasure or joy
  • Loss of interest in activities
  • Lack of motivation

According to the above, we have been doing some investigative work to find those depressed souls around us who were not lucky enough to get the "Too Blue" test or just don't realize that they are Too Blue. This is just like the time we read about autism in Newsweek the summer after freshman year of college and then applied the test on page 34 to all our 5 year old campers. (Jack's mom, if you are reading this, it's most likely Asperger's).

Well, it turns out that ALL GAY PEOPLE are Too Blue. The law student ones are especially blue. The one sitting across from me right now is navy in fact.

"Not me," you say? Well if you have ever been to Beige, we know by the blank expression on your face that your "inability to experience pleasure or joy" outweighs any other factor. And those of you who don't go, we know that you suffer from a "loss of interest in activities" and a "lack of motivation," and are thus depressed.

We'll continue this analysis tonight. Either way, you pass.

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