"We've All Got Our Junk, And My Junk Is You"

So we saw Spring Awakening last night. For $30, you can actually sit on the stage, in part of their mock-classroom set. For two hours, incredibly talented young actors gyrate, stomp, wail and copulate all around you. It’s basically what we imagine it’s like being an LA casting agent.

We arrived three minutes before the show started, and were berated by ushers who made us put all of our clothes in a locker, stripped us of our program (it draws focus!) and physically pushed us onto the stage. Of course, we spent the whole show worrying about our posture and attempting not to scratch ourselves.

But the show was amazing. If you are a foolish fag and haven’t seen the show, for God’s sake, go now. The music is incredible, the actors are hot, and the leading man is completely adorable. And, from what we hear, he is much less straight than the horny character he plays.

The best part of sitting on the stage was being able to watch the audience. We saw what it looked like to receive a standing ovation (unbelievable), and we witnessed individual people's reactions to things like a graphic sex scene, a bared adolescent breast, and a suicide. In the first ten minutes of the show, a boy masturbates to conclusion as the rest of the cast dances and sings around him. The look on the faces of the three old women in the front row could have made even Brent Corrigan go limp.